Parish Spring Clean

The Annual Parish "Spring Clean" will be held on the morning of Sunday 20th March. Everyone is invited to come and help us clean the Village Square - it's fun! Please bring your own bucket, scrubbing brush and bottle of flash.

Children however should bring Pledge and some dusters as they will be polishing the brick wall that has some names on it. If time permits, we might be able to do other bits of the village but really, we're not that interested....I mean, lets face it - the Village Square is the most important bit, especially now that we have spent so much money on it - don't you agree?

- Swarland Village Square Action

Winefest 2010

Unfortunately - due to circumstances beyond our control, the 2010 "winefest" hasn't been held yet - and it's 2011 now! Never mind, we're going for it this March. So get yourself along to the Village Hall with as much wine as you can carry.

Park anywhere you like - the neighbours don't mind. Then when it's getting really late and you're pissed - go outside, shout at each other and laugh as loud as you can - then don't forget to blow your horn as you drive off...

....the neighbours don't mind......

Bus Service Update

There'll be even less buses coming to the village this year than there were last year. Bit of a bugger if you haven't got a car eh?

The Parish council are taking direct action. They're scouring Google for "The Wells Fargo Company" to see if they're interested in laying on some stagecoaches. Watch this space....

The Parish Plan

That's easy - spend (even) more money on The Square - which I'm sure you will agree is a very worthwhile cause. After all - there aren't any other things that need seeing to in Swarland, are there?

Don't quite know what we'll do yet but we'll think of something....

Allotment Available

Want to break your back trying to dig Swarland mud and try to get summat to grow in it?

Got just the jobby for you - allotment (a patch of mud beside the avenue). Come and see me - I'm always hanging around somewhere - if I'm not in the allotment I'll have popped into the Post Office to join the gang and listen to the latest gossip. Knock twice and ask for "Bobby" (wink)

The Wall Of Death

No, honest I'm serious - y'wanna buy a brick? Not just any old brick by the way, we'll engrave your name on it for you....what are you laughing at - come back I'm talking to you.....

Swarland has a wall - a sort of oversized pot plant - in the middle of the village square. It's main intention is to stop cars parking in the square and it is made up of bricks with people's names on them. Local wit Paddy O'Connelly was heard to remark "it's the wall of death - just about everybody named on there is dead!"

Golf Balls For Sale

If you want any golf balls - I've been out picking them. It's dead easy cos nobody who plays golf in Swarland can hit a ball straight. So the woods is made up of some trees but mainly from piles of golf balls.

All I do is go out for a walk, pick them up and bring them back to sell to the same people who put them there in the first place. Dead easy! According to Lord Sugar on the telly I'm an "entry pruner" or summat...and it's people like me who are putting the country back on it's feet, and you should support people like me he says (Lord Sugar). Wonder if he knows Capt Pugwash?